Geez & Ann, a movie review

Okay, the main reason why I was thrilled to watch this movie is that the main actor, Geez. I like nerd-kind-of-guy and hmm, yeah, when I said nerd guy, it obviously refers to a handsome-nerd-guy. Lek jer, taste kita kan tak sama haha. 

They first met at the Alumni event; there was an unexpected blackout that occurred during the event, and Ann was one of the people in charge of the event. At that moment, as she was trying to fix the chaotic situation, she climbed off the ladder to turn on the switch or something. Moments later, she was about to fall and tada!!!! Geez saved her from the fall (cam biasalah, love at the first sight gaknya).Oh, yes, I forget to point out that Geez and his band are one of the performers in that event, that's why he was in the backstage.

First of all, their love story seems rushed??? I think it's because when they first met, Geez handed Ann his iPod and asked her to listen to and review the song he wrote. I mean, yall just met and talked not more than 30 minutes? 

In contrast to Geez, Ann was brought up by a loving, caring family; no family issues. Geez's parents had divorced, and he's now staying with his mother, who was extremely strict about his son's circle and education. Geez's mother was dying to send him to Berlin to study medicine. Haa here comes the problem, there was a day when Geez and Ann went out for a date, and then Geez's mother called asking for his whereabouts, but Geez said "bookstore" when he was actually on a date with Ann. Ann, being immature, suddenly burst out and said something like, "how can you have the audacity to lie to your mom?" WITHOUT first asking why he did so, is it hard to be honest with his mother? What upsets me more is that she was also mad when Geez told her he was going to study in Berlin. 

I WAS LIKE.. SIS, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS GOING THERE TO STUDY -_- 

The essence of this movie is that an immature partner will stress you out and ruin the relationship. 

I feel so annoyed when Ann upset that Geez took some time to reply to her texts. From my perspective, Geez did everything that he could to fix the situation and ensure that Ann is fine but Ann? She did nothing but complain. I would say that Ann never put any effort to understand Geez's struggle in handling his mother. Also, it was her that asked Geez to stop contacting her so that she can move on with her life but when Geez showed up after he finished his study in Berlin, she told Geez, "why must it be now? you should have come to me earlier." Astaghfirullah. Sakit hati saya dibuatnya, saudara-saudari sekalian. 

There are many components that you need to have a stable relationship, and maturity is the key. If you have an immature partner, they'll have difficulty understanding that you've got a busy schedule, so he or she'll keep whining about the simplest thing, like why you're online but don't answer them, why you're refusing to pick up a call, etc. It's so mentally draining to have a partner like this because they don't understand you. Whenever you try to explain the situation, they're going to cut you off and say that everything you say is just an excuse, and in the end, you're going to get frustrated because it's going to happen again and again. What's the point of having a partner, but they're not willing to understand your situation? 

If Ann were a mature partner, she will try to help Geez resolved his issue with his mother instead of getting upset about why Geez lied to his mother. If Ann were a mature partner, she would understand that Geez was busy with his study (study medicine kot, ko expect apa), hence it should be fine if Geez took some time to reply to her texts. If Ann were a mature partner, 4 years of long-distance-relationship would be fine. 

My advice to anyone who reads is to try your best to find a mature partner. A mature partner is going to try to understand you and help you grow. I don't agree when people think you need constant arguments in a relationship to make a relationship alive? Nah, this isn't for me. I would prefer stability, and whenever there is a problem, try to fix it as soon as possible. It's fine to be clingy but everything should be in moderation gituhhh. 

Rate: 2/5 - 2 is for Geez's face and character development. 

Would I recommend it? Yes, only if you wanna see how Ann ruined the precious relationship with her attitude. 

Twenty-twenty

How did I perceive 2020? 

Horrible, 

but I've learned a lot. 

I met a lot of new people, I have gained new experiences, and improved my soft-skills during my 2-months-internship. It is always exciting to meet new people even though it drains my energy at the end of the day. But it is a worthy-life experience that I have to grab to climb the ladder. It makes me think, am I really fit to work in this field? Apparently, we never know. I will never know. The truth is, I don't think I have a passion for anything. Maybe I lost my passion? Or do I have a passion in the first place? All of these thoughts have been lingering in my mind these days. I feel like.... there's nothing that am I good at. Yeah, that's me being pessimistic. On the contrary, if I were to be optimistic about my life, I would tell myself that one day, I will be an expert in this field but it just a matter of time. Isn't it normal to feel that way? I mean, one day, you're so optimistic about your life, but the other, you just want to do nothing on your bed and thinking why you're still alive. 

I'm 22, but I'm still struggling to love myself. But then again, I won't give up on improving myself even though most of the time, I just wanna disappear. 

"Wouldn't it better if I don't exist at the first place?" 

I think it's inevitable that I should blame myself whenever something went wrong or things didn't go the way I planned.  

"It's your fault." 

People often say that to me and that hurts me the most. That's why I am scared to say those words to others because I know how painful it can be. I've been wondering if it's painful for me to say that to others, shouldn't I think it's the same way for myself? I will only hurt myself if I keep on blaming myself. I then realize that being kind to yourself is the hardest thing to do. 

For the past few weeks, I've been stuck in the middle of two notions that I've often heard. First, if you really love someone, you have to fight for them. On the other hand, if you really love someone, let them go because if it's meant for you, it'll come to you no matter how quickly you try to get away from them. I was perplexed by what had happened between us, and it took me a while to think which one was the best thing I was supposed to do? Thank God, at that moment, I can think objectively. Considering that it's only going to hurt him if I hold him back, I decided to let him go so that I could be free from guilt. In short, I choose the latter because I want a sense of inner peace. Isn't that cliche? But that's probably the best thing for now and I regret nothing. Besides.... why would I regret my decision? I've used all my brain-cells to come to that decision, I don't wanna make them feel wasted. 

22/12/2020 - I think I'm doing better in loving myself and I will continue doing it. 

I think the biggest lesson I've learned this year is to be thankful for everything you got and everything you've gone through. It's all written anyway. I don't want to stress myself thinking that no one will marry me before I turn 25 (I was foolish to think that I was able to do this hshsh). Now I just want to focus on embracing myself, equipping myself with whatever necessary in order to survive, and turn myself into a decent, intellectual, and elegant woman (gituhh). 

I'm not expecting a lot for next year. I just hope I'll be able to finish my degree and graduate on time. Of course, I'd like this covid to come to an end soon so that I can travel again.

Last note from me, I wish you have a nice year ahead and I hope you will stay sane. To all my friends (if yall reading this), thank you so much for the support yall gave me when I hit the rock bottom; emotionally, mentally (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

that's how it goes

Phewwwwwwwwwwwww. 

It's been a while right, huh? My most recent post on this blog is June 2018 (so much time passed lol) I've been going through a lot of things since August 2018. If I can recall things that happened in 2018, it would be my involvement in MalayaMUN in which I was the protocol officer. I had a lot of fun as I got to widen my circle by socializing with the delegates (though I'm not a fan of being social and small talks, I just had to). I'm genuinely hoping that soon everything will be normal, even though we haven't discovered an official vaccine for this disease, and then "surprisingly", China discovered a new virus but this time, it related to pigs and Kalimantan is in the state of emergency over forest fires (it happens annually anyway). 

I'm still in the state of befuddled with the fact that I make it to 2020? When I was a kid, I always consider 2020 is another dimension of the world. The most common one would be flying cars, me having a big house with a lift, and probably a robot that can finish my homework. Sadly, the only robot that I found this year is the one that we have in Makcik Cafe (pastu tak function?)

Ok now, we move to 2019. To sum up my 2019, I would say that it such a hectic year but it's the most meaningful year to me. I guess there was nothing much at the beginning of the year but it started to be fast-paced in June. I was involved in Kalsom Movement, The Volunteerism and Cultural Exchange (VEX), Small Changes, Leadership Camp, I went to Aceh and flop my final for the fifth semester as well (specifically my Admin Law paper, sorry Dr. Sri for disappointing you with my uncritical thoughts and logic). I guess I'm wrapping up 2019 with a little blunder, but well, life doesn't always give you justice. To add, my friends, Alia Jasmeen and Piah were married last year and at the same time, I also lost a good friend of mine, Farid, who died in an accident. I was speechless when I heard the news, and I didn't make it to see him for the last time as I was in KL. I've been witnessing his hard work to save up for his marriage with his fiance but He has a better plan after all. May Allah bless his soul. Amin. 

Ok now, I'm attaching pictures here so I will look a bit creative  [Pardon my language, idk it sounds weird here] 

 

Before we went to snorkeling in Pulau Sabang, Aceh. 

Caption America's team :)

Besides, I was also part of the Tun Suffian International Moot committee with Qis and Farah [we luvvvvv handling PA system :")] Nevertheless, I got to enjoy the scrumptious food that we had in the hotel haha.

Multech & Volunteers - Izni, Jiha, Awatif :) 

2020 is a year full of surprises, and I would say that most of us would have finally realized that Western people aren't smart as they seemed to be. It becomes more evident, especially when they refuse to wear masks and say that the fact that the government forces them to wear is infringing their right. Luckily we did not encounter this moment in Malaysia. Buuuuuut, As usual in Malaysia, we are (again) engaged in a never-ending debate about who's at fault when it comes to rape? The inequalities before the law that are getting worse among the politicians, the continuous vague guidelines during the PKP, the rude school kids who refuse to finish their homework, we have seen some people in our community who are not clear about the issue of racism. Haihh banyak betul current issue to the extent that I feel tired of catching up with everything. 

Even though 2020 seems like a messed-up year, it's also been a good year for me. Finally, I can experience the whole of Ramadhan with my family (haven't experienced this since I was a kid as my father often went out for outstation). My relationship with my dad is closer to me. I mean, you know me well, you 're going to know how awkward I am with my dad. I honestly always feel jealous of those who have a good relationship with their dad. "Good" here actually refers to a "warm" relationship as I don't have any issue with my dad it just that we are not that close to each other? I envy those who are able to share everything with their dad :") All in all, everything that happened is a blessing in disguise.

Ok now, let's move to the most favorite part which is HONNE new album!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad that found Honne sooner. Day 1 will always be my favorite but the new album is a masterpiece!!!!! Look at the lyrics tho. It's so poetic.

Ok lah the reason why I choose these specific lines is that I know many of us had planned everything that we wanted to do. But, all of a sudden, we were attacked by Covid-19, which obstructs us from doing all of them. If we weren't attacked by Covid-19, I might have finished my Sabah volunteer project, which was due to take place last April. I'm sad that I can't join next year because my parents didn't allow me to go but takpelah haha.

Essentially, there will be a lot of things you're planning that won't go the way you want it to be because that's the beauty of life. When all goes the way you've expected, then there's no way you can stumble and learn how to pick up yourself.
I'm trying to inculcate the positive vibes here (づ￣ ³￣)づ

The last remark for this post is that we always need to remember that there are so many things that we need to be grateful for. (It's a reminder to me, too, because I often feel like I'm not a thankful servant enough). So here's a list of things that I'm really grateful for ＼(^-^)／

I'm thankful that I managed to survive the pandemic phase (so far) at home, not at the hospital.
I'm thankful that no one in my family and friends gets infected.

I'm thankful that there is always food in my fridge during the pandemic, it's such a heartbreaking to see that there are many people struggling to have rice in their plate while I am eating a lot of food for the whole time.
I'm thankful that I have my friends that keep me sane.
I'm thankful that I finally post something after 17 drafts that I hesitate to post.

p/s: I edited my blog hoping it won't look dull anymore.

Thanks for reading it ᵔᴥᵔ

Shoulders and Toes

Most of the time, I would use my backpack to class because for me backpack is much more convenient compared to a sling bag unless I only have one class for that particular day. Besides, I, as a girl have lots to bring; since I am using waterproof sunscreen every day, I have to bring makeup remover, moisturizer, etc., but for stationery, I started to bring the necessary stuff only because pencil case suddenly turned into a burden to my shoulder. Sometimes, just bringing my Acer laptop together with the charger is already making my shoulder aching especially when I have to walk to college from faculty at the end of the draining day. At the age of 20, a laptop and the charger which I think the weigh is not exceeding 3kg.... makes me sick (I think I am in the disadvantage situation as I have small shoulders; broad shoulders always be my dream when I was a kid lol). Hence, this why I proposed to my parents I wanted to buy a very light laptop because it will absolutely lift the burden hehe.

So, imagine the burden of books that those little kids have to bear every day in school. It would be fine for those kids who went to school by car, but how about those kids who have to walk all the way to school? I've been witnessing these scenarios since I was a kid as I went to school by myself most of the times. When I was in primary school, I went to school by bicycle and whenever my parents were off, I forced them to send me to school because it was an obstacle to stay awake at 7 a.m. and rode your bike. Later in secondary school, I walked to school every day because none of my girlfriends were riding a bicycle, and it such a pathetic life I had because Malaysian didn't want to inculcate Japanese's culture. Again, with your small body, you have to bear so much weigh in your back :( Dahla underweight, buku pulak overweight. At the same time, my mom always warned me to walk and sit up straight but I have a problem to make it right because I get used to bend my shoulder a bit because of the heavy bag that I always bear. Luckily I managed to overcome a bit because it is a must to have a proper posture whenever you are on the track because if you didn’t, habis la ko. But sometimes, I bend my shoulders involuntarily; my mom told me that it is one of the consequences of bringing heavy backpack to school. I don’t take it seriously until I see how badly my posture in certain pictures.

After a long mukaddimah about my childhood years, my point here is… it is a good improvement that government now is focusing on how to tackle this problem. Some of us might see this as trivial but little did you know that the health of the youngsters is vital? If the government don’t do anything to fix this, could you imagine how many people would suffer spinal pain in the future? Hence, the government has to spend a lot to cure it because the progressive of the country basically depends on how productive the nation is. Kalau semua dah sakit belakang siapa nak run the country? Kucing ke?

Ha cakap pasal kucing, dulu every time my classmates left their books at home mesti the teachers said “Habis buku kat rumah siapa nak baca? Kucing awak?” Kalau tak kucing nanti the teacher akan cakap “nenek awak”. How could they disrespect cats and our grandmas? I just wanna emphasize that not all kids can handle and follow the class schedule. Not all of them are as diligent as I was to take note on which books that the teachers wanted to use on the next day, what books that you can refer to do homework. Most of them would rather bring alllll of them as it was easier than arranging books by looking at the schedule. Hence, it is important to have a big locker in each class. It’s not necessary to have an individual locker especially in primary school. Kids love to see new stuff. They love to experiment and I bet they will make an experiment with the lockers itself if they were to have an individual locker.

A big locker in a class would be sufficient to occupy the students’ book especially those thicker books. Maybe the schools can set up certain guidelines for the teacher on how to maximize the usage of the lockers in order to tackle this issue. Perhaps the locker is for the textbook as they’re much heavier compared to exercise books. If I am not mistaken, during my secondary years, it was prohibited to left the textbooks under your table. HARAM KO TAHU. But hello, we all love to do haram things in school. However, from what I read in the news is that not all school could afford to put in a locker in a class. Money is the key to education so yeah, especially schools in rural areas; this implementation would burden the school. Another opinion that I found is that, restructuring the textbooks and exercise book which means using a lighter paper in exercise books or maybe students can just use a test-pad instead of the exercise book, and put all the papers in a file. I do agree with this but I think this idea would be more suitable and convenient for secondary school students. Adjusting the weight and the size of the textbooks would be a good idea for me. Though it might take some time to provide and change everything, it will never be too late to make it right. At least, we could provide some comfort to our future generation.

Furthermore, schools that have a stable funding from PIBG, really need to consider to provide a big locker in a class. Maybe for schools that couldn’t afford it, maybe they can create a small area in each classroom to put all the books, just by using a few tables or boxes. It sounds easier but I think I always enjoyed whenever my teachers told me to left the book in class because it is so annoying to deal with a heavy backpack while you are riding a bicycle.

Maybe it will be a bit difficult for the teachers to handle this at the beginning but if teachers as the means to change the world don’t want to start it first, who else will take place? I am glad that when I moved to a boarding school, heavy bag wasn’t really a big deal as we had an individual locker, one big locker in each class, and the most heaven part was you were allowed to put as much as books you want under your desk.

Furthermore, another issue that keeps on running in my feeds is black shoes. As someone who has been wearing black shoes for many years since primary school as I was a prefect, and then I was wearing black shoes again in secondary school as I was a PRS and then when I moved to a boarding school, everyone must wear black shoes; I do believe that wearing black shoes is much better than white shoes. Why? On weekends, we don’t have to spend our time in washing the shoes, because it took such a long period to dry up the shoes especially during the rainy season. Dah la penat sental your shoes pastu kena kapur. Banyak kerja compared to wearing black shoes – you only need to polish it. Nak hygienic sikit, spray your shoes using the anti-bacterial spray. Ala hygienic thing pun takkan la sekolah nak kena ajar? On the other hand, some people contended that wearing black shoes will degrade the students’ discipline as the students won’t bother to take care of their appearances. What do you think? I don’t think so because discipline shouldn’t be indicated by the color of their shoes. There are many other important aspects that need to be considered rather than focusing on how clean their shoes are.

In conclusion, I am glad that the government are trying to address certain issues that should be addressed from years back but, better late than never. However, I realized that this current government is a bit misleading in terms of the PTPTN issue, UEC, MyBrain, etc. I don’t wanna discuss it in details because this can be pretty much tiring for my brain right now.

Before I end this post, what do you think that one is only being entitled to pay for PTPTN loan once their salaries reach RM4000? I just wonder how long PTPTN has to wait for a fresh graduate to get promoted in a better position so that they can reach the salary of RM4000/month. CAMNE NAK ROLLING DUIT? That’s only my curiosity. Do tell me about your thoughts, your opinions are welcome.

Bye. See you! 

Count your blessings

Not sure whether I should apologize for taking a long time to come with a new post. My blog is dusted with the old posts. I actually have lots of draft in my laptop but it takes lots of courage for me to post it to the public. It happens every time. 

There is abundant of new issues but I don’t think I’ve interested enough to know all of them. I want to be woke about all the issues happening across the world but hey I’m such a lazy person especially in this holiday break which makes my laziness getting worse. I even told my mom that I don’t want to find a job as I gave up in searching it.... and I promised her that I would be rajin all the time and try out many new recipes lol. 

Before I go further I just wanna tell you that this year is the longest and the most productive Raya so far after I’ve been living for 20 years hahaha (Sorry I can’t help myself from typing “hahaha”). I went to follow my mother beraya like every weekend. Every weekend ada je open house. Oh yeah I’m going to follow my mom to her reunion next week. Couldn’t imagine how drained I would be on that day... because my mom knows lots of people and lots of people know her.. she told me she was quite popular during her high school time. Maybe I should be started to believe in her. 

The examination result for the second semester was announced today. I was scared. But not having panic attack like I used to. I like it. I’ve improved a lot in handling my anxietyyyy hehe. But...... unfortunately, I couldn’t access my result because I haven’t fully paid my fees. It’s okay lah I already redha for my result. No matter what happens I only hope that I could pass every single semester. I’m not hoping for flying colors; being able to see “PASS” is more than enough.  

As usual, my friends will ask my result and hahaha this time even me myself don’t know abt it. Some of them complained, some of them glad that even tho they didn’t get what they expected to, they passed. Regardless whatever situations my friends are facing, I am glad that I’ve been surrounded by people who didn’t lose hope to Allah. I’m happy about that. 

My mom — the most positive person I’ve ever met. No matter how hard the situation I’ve been handling, she always reminds me to have faith in Him. If you’ve done your best, let it to Allah. Let Him decides what is the best for you. One thing that I want to emphasize is... what do you think is good for you, not necessarily good in the eyes of Allah, The Almighty. We never know what will happen in the future. Good results might  make you distant from Allah, that’s why He gave you less that what you wanted to. He gives what you need. Not what you want. Trying to live a life with those principles, in sha Allah, you’ll find happiness. Do strive in whatever you do. But don’t put 100% trust upon your effort. Little did you know that no matter  how hard you’re working on something, if He says no, it will never happen. Allah kalau makbulkan doa, pisau yang tumpul pun boleh tajam. 

“If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings)” — Ibrahim: 7 

I bukan nak buka kelas cara-cara bersyukur ke apa but not many of us are actually realize that there are many things in life, is actually a blessing. Besides, we never know the value of something until we lose it, right. Have you ever consider your health as a blessing? Your parents? Your good friends? The ability to buy what you what? The ability to see the world without spending hundreds to see things clearly? Hanya orang rabun je faham I :')

I don’t know the value of a pair of legs until I had surgery in 2015 and when the doctor said I can’t do sports as I used to. Imagine..... Baru kaki kot?!? Baru injured sikit... Belum kudung lagi? Started from those days, I never downgrade whenever they say they’re sick, they need help because I know how painful it is to be sick.... and how shameful it was to keep on relying on people because you can’t do anything by yourself. I always feel worthless because of my condition because I know it won’t be the same again. It hurts my pride whenever I can’t help my parents doing the house chores because the doctor said I should avoid myself from doing heavy chores because it will make it worse. I honestly have a hard time in loving myself since the surgery I had back in 2015. 

But... just because kau rasa worthless takkan kau taknak teruskan life? Even time tu dalam otak ni asyik rasa nak bunuh diri sebab rasa anak yang paling tak guna sebab.... sebelah kaki dah barai hahaha. Tapi tulah Allah dah cakap hidup ni tak boleh give up. Alhamdulillah Islam. Ni ha, jadi Islam dari kecik pun ramai tak sedar benda tu nikmat Allah. Ramai orang yang dah besar baru peluk Islam cakap betapa indahnya Islam. Betapa hebatnya dapat rasa kasih sayang Allah. 

“And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them.” — Ibrahim: 34. 

Banyak lagi rahmat yang Allah dah bagi. Kita je tak nampak as we blinded by the disadvantages that we had. Biasalah, kita manusia biasa. Memang asyik lupa je dengan Tuhan. That’s why we need a good environment to live in. Biol mana pun member kalau dia care pasal solat, you better keep them. 

Lagi satu, besar mana pun kasih sayang seorang ibu, Allah’s love toward His Servants wins. See? Kita terlepas Subuh, ada ke bangun tidur tangan kaki semua tak ada? He gives us chances to repent. He knows that humans make mistake. That’s why He loves those who repent. For me, having lots of good people in your life is one of the blessings that I couldn’t ask more from Him. 

So chill jela hidup ni. Kita kan hidup dua kali. But we need to ensure that we prepared the best here so we can have a good life in Akhirah :) Belajar pun ibadah tau hehe (macam takde correlation tapi takpelah) 

If you've any suggestions (on what I should write in the upcoming post) or any questions do hmu at https://aqilahnasrin.sarahah.com as I have plenty of time to be wasted. 

Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk. Have a nice day, people! 

Precious March

Hello everyone. I wish you have a good day. Guess what I'm still at HOMEEEEEE because my faculty is having the E-learning week. All lectures and tutorial will be held online hehe. It's quite complicated but yeah it feels good to be at home.

Fyi, I'm going to conclude everything that I'd gone through in March in this post. 

UM Info Day 

This is an event where we basically promote UM Law School to Asasi KPTM students. The first question asked by them to me was “Is it hard to be in UM?” I gave them option whether they wanted me to sugar-coat or to be frank (tho I already know they wanted the real answer). “Yes.” There’s nothing easy in university life. Nope. Life is hard but you gotta hit it harder.

I met Ms. Akhmal! My favorite lecturer when I was in Dengkil. I’m glad she still remembers me and my gang – qistina and zaza. Oh, yea! I met my juniors from SAMURA as well. They recognized me easily but for me as usual for some circumstances, having a problem in remembering details about others.

Mock Trial

Frankly speaking, I never imagine myself to be part of the Malaya Mock Trial team because appearing in front of the crowd of people isn’t my forte. Even though my character is kinda insignificant (LOL) but I learned a lot from it. If you don’t know what Mock Trial is, it is like a theatre but it is not fully scripted, the students involved are law students, the content is more to current issues and a bit explicit (this is my personal view haha). The first thing that I’ve learned since the day I joined this team is teamwork. No matter how small your character is, you still have the responsibility to play your role seriously. Even though you think that you won’t give the big impact in a certain situation, but other people could see the difference when you start to give a commitment. Next, mock trial makes me realize how vital the backstage people in everything. Eg: People wouldn’t see the smooth running of the Mock Trial if we don’t have the makeup, technical and logistics team and people that actually involved with us, indirectly. Hence, it is important to respect and appreciate everyone around you. You will never know how significant they are until you lost them. Yes, I didn’t regret being part of Malaya Mock Trial. 

My TREEvolution

My parents should be proud of me because I planted for our earth kot! Frankly speaking, I joined this for the sake of the national merits. I want to stay in college so bad even though the wifi connection sucks, the fees are expensive and I rarely get the chance to ride with a bus because of it packs within a blink of eyes....  But still, staying in college is fine enough for me. I could walk to class la. Hm talking about walking to class, I don’t know why every Wednesday I will stay up late until 3AM even though I know that I have 8AM class on Thursday morning. Oh ya, I slept at 3 because I need to catch up with my study and tutorials because my mock trial training usually ends around 11/12AM. And yes, I woke up at 7:30 every Thursday for week 5 until week 7. At those moments, I really appreciate my ironless bawal and shawl, jeans and t-shirts. I will choose to wear sports shoes bc I literally running from college to faculty within 10 mins. I’m proud of myself because I managed to be in class on time. 

I met someone

I met my friend from PIC. He had a writing workshop in API. I persuaded him to apply to UM for his degree. Well, I've been persuading lots of people to join me here, to explore the world and to feel the pain as well. 

Student Exchange Program (SEP)

This is the best bit of the month. This program started from 4 until 17 March (2 weeks). It was enjoyable. But what I regret the most is I couldn’t spend my time with my buddy, from Indonesia, Elsa. SEP was overlapping with Mock Trial and that was the reason why I couldn’t spend my time with her. I feel bad for her but I am glad that she’s very understanding. If there is upcoming outbound, I will surely pick UNTAR as my choice! Besides being able to expand my circles, I’ve gained knowledge as well. As Technical and Publicity Team, we had to handle Client Consultation session. It was great though! I’m planning to join the Client Consultation competition because I feel like it is a very good exposure for a law student. You’ll get the experience on how to deal with your clients that come to your firm. Moreover, there were a lot of talks held throughout the two weeks but unluckily I couldn’t join all of them because I can’t skip my lectures as I like huhu. Oh yes, I joined dikir barat as well for our cultural night haha nice experience and I finally know how to speak Kelantan haha. 

Delegates picked up at KLIA 

Client consultation 

Your future Judges?

Despite all the enjoyable events that I had, I’ve been dealing with the most awful emotions ever. I felt lost. I felt worthless. I felt like I shouldn’t exist because I’m such a troublesome. Though some people always remind me that no matter how horrible I feel about myself, they will always look up for me… I just lost the confidence that I have about myself. I wonder a lot.

Why Allah keep on testing me? It was so heavy. The pain felt like a sharp-toothed creature eating me from the inside. I felt like I was drowning in the deepest sea where no one comes to save me. It made me suffocated but a few days later when I was reading Quran, there was a verse than mentioned that “Allah won’t burden you with something that you cannot bear.” 

My mom always tells me to believe in Him. Whatever happens, there’s always a reason behind it. There’s always something that you can learn from it. I tried to take it easy. I believe that it will pass. Have faith and chin up.  Pain is temporary because there’s nothing permanent in this world. The only permanent thing in the universe is the Hereafter. Again, I survived. I didn’t kill myself (lol).

Gems 

Alhamdulillah. There's no word could describe how thankful I am to have them as my friends. 

Little Rant 

When you see someone is sad, stress or any roller coaster emotions, can you stop directly say “go perform your solah and keep on sabr, you’ll be better”, “OMG! You won’t be this hopeless if you don’t skip reading Quran and solah properly.” Like dude, watch your mouth. If you don’t want to put an effort to understand one’s hardship, you better shut up. I’m not saying that what Allah said is wrong, but there are certain situations where that kind of concept is not applicable as the first step. Probably works when he or she is stable. Okay, I've finished my rant.

Have a good April everyone! Next update will be on May, in sha Allah :) 

You shouldn't

The best advice I've gotten was said that

I shouldn’t be in a relationship with 

anyone whom I wouldn’t marry 

for it’s a waste of time and 

takes you off the market.

so don’t worry about the relationship.

Build friendships and one day 

maybe you’ll suddenly meet your soul mate,

or you’ll realize you want to spend 

the rest of your life with your friend.

Your young life shouldn’t be spent trying 

to fall in love or

even having to worry about a partner.

Your life right now should be filled

with spending time on finding yourself

and building relationships.

p/s: Inspired by the sudden shock that I got from my circle. I realized that just because everyone is in a relationship doesn't mean I should join the club, too. 

Decision

Hello. I’m sitting outside, on the bench, trying to inhale the oxygen in my small garden and exhaling all the negativity that I’d in life. 

I suddenly remember about those days when I had an argument with my parents because I didn’t want to pursue science since I know I cannot handle equations. I’m not really good at literature either but for me, literature is better than equations. Generally, words are more soothing compared to numbers. It is worst when numbers are mix with alphabets. It sucks.

Up until today, I didn’t regret the argument that I had with them. People used to say that you know yourself better but at the same time, there is also saying that stated that your parents know what the best is for you. No harm. Both parties correct. However, there is one point in life where you don’t really have to rely on your parents’ decision. It is not to disrespect them but you know what you want in life but you have to justify and give them a concrete reason, don’t just simply say you don’t want to follow their decision because you won’t win if you do that.

True, our parents know us better because they are the person who used and always support us in things that we always thought we are not capable of. Why they keep on supporting us even though we see zero possibility for us to succeed? because they see the hidden gems in us but we are obstructed with skepticism on our potential. This is what my parents did when I was in school. But now, I am an adult, I should be able to think rationally, I know what I want in life, I know what I am really capable of.

My parents said “why don’t you just study science because you already have the basic? You won’t have a problem as you studied maths and science since kindergarten?” The first thought that came across in my mind was “They don’t understand.” That was the truth. Frankly, not all parents have the same education journey like us – we got lots of exposure on courses that provided by universities started from our high school period, personality tests or even chances to meet the counselor to get help on what would be the best field for us based on our attitude and interest.

I know my parents realized how well I did in history and languages subjects and sucks at science and maths. Yes, I do love science subjects. I enjoyed learning it but just because you love it, doesn’t mean it is meant for you.  I never have interest in history subject but when I found out that I am able to do well in it, I built passion. That’s why, when I got the UPU offer which was Foundation in Law, I didn’t hesitate at all. I convinced my parents that KPT would give us allowances so they don’t have to spend more money for me because UiTM got the cheapest fees. I believed that was a solid reason HAHAHA and surprisingly, they approved. 

Again, your parents may know what is the best for you or even they don’t really know what is the best for you, our parents always try their best to give everything the best for us. However, remember that you are the one who will endure the pain in every decision that you make or they made it for you. Know your stand. It is true that we have to respect our parents. They’re the key to our blessings. Talk to them and convinced them with your heart. 

I think it also depends on how flexible how parents are actually. My parents are strict when it comes to benevolence and lifestyle but can be flexible when it related to studies. Both of them are working and since I am the only daughter, I had to handle myself alone. No joke, but my mom told me she doesn’t have any idea how I could get to the stage every year because she doesn’t really catch up my progress in school.

Just because they don’t approve your decision in the first place, doesn’t mean its something that is cannot be fixed. Do your best as this is your life. My mom once told me that she didn’t agree when her friend wanted to have a marriage arrangement between his son and me because she believes that I know what I want and I am the one who will go through the marriage journey and not them. (I realllllly respect my mom’s decision on that part HAHAHAHA). Wow, I feel like an adult when typing this paragraph. 

Lastly, life is all about options. When you have options to choose, choose which one is the best for you. But, when you’re chosen, do your best. Remember that you always have right to choose. 

not-a-fruitful-post

Hello. I've been such in a dilemma whether I should write or not.

Writing doesn't really take a long time but you know it just me who gonna spend many hours in editing it. (I'll make it fast for this post). I'm actually run out of time to revise my subjects but hey there's me here - wasting my time as usual. It's okay, lemme waste it for the good purpose (lol, doesn't make sense at all). Come on, man! Today is the last day of 2017 :P 

2017 is a great year. I meet a lot of new people which are blessings and lessons. Whatever it is, keep going and we need to be more positive as being someone that is positive and optimistic is always appealing (to me). It is not easy to be such a positive person. It takes a lot of aspects in your life. When someone is sad and you said "hey babe, it's okay. things will get better. don't worry too much. there's nothing that you'll gain from worrying..." simple. it seems simple until it hits you. really bad. to the point, you only could think about death. 

The main goal for my 2018 is to be brave. Again, that two words might seem nothing to people but they're significant to me. so much. I wanna do things that I always afraid to try. I wanna be someone that is better than who I am today. I probably should be more diligent and focus on achieving things that I want in life. Honestly, I wanna join mooting competition so bad but I think next year might not be the perfect time for me. I'm still developing skills that some people already have it but nevermind, slowly but surely. Another goal for my 2018 is to be less-perfectionist and try to control my overthinking. It is exhausting. I'm actually in the process to be such a "lek-lek person" but I just can't because overthinking take over everything. Just I should attach few pictures, to sum up my 2017? Hm, maybe I should. 

Moreover, I'm 20 next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, there's no teen anymore and still, don't have a boyfriend lol - I gotta be more serious and mature in handling my life. It's okay la, I think I'm "too young" to have a serious relationship. Diri sendiri mess up ada hati nak ada boyfriend. I will post another "fruitful post" after I finish my final which is on 11th January. But wait, I might don't have time to post on that time as I will hibernate a lot. Plus, I have a mooting camp to attend on 15-17th January. Wow, I like my life. It's only January and it is packed. 

Lastly, I hope all of you will have a great year. 2018 will be a healing and triumph year. Let's strive for the best for ourselves and don't forget to be grateful to Him :)

Happy new year and all the best to everyone who sits for final examination! 

5/14

Hi! Ahhh I really miss my blog. So much. I just don't have time to sit and write or basically doing things that I love to. So yeah, this is the fifth week of law school but I already questioned myself a lot whether is this the journey that I have to encounter or in the other words do I really have to go to law school? Yea, I just hope that I will be on the right track until the end. 

Fyi, I don't participate in lots of faculty or college activities. I don't know. It's not that I don't want to join it but the fact that I'm trying to give some spaces to myself, to adapt and learn how to survive for the next 7 semesters. I think that's the best decision that I could make for myself at this moment. I know that I've to compete with other people for college placement next year but yeah slowly but surely. I'll join more in the next semester - this is the promise that I made to myself. I've my own stand. I just wanna let myself to breathe and practically enduring the first semester. 

Hey, you know what, foundation and degree life are two different worlds. But Thank God that I've got a little basis on how to cope with a hectic schedule but that's not enough. at all. The first thing that differs foundation and degree is the environment. Of course, here, I got to see many people spending their evening with jogging, kayaking, dating and there's me spending time in the library to finish up my tutorials. But not every evening lah, I've tried to enjoy myself with sweating (lol) because I found the happiness while running (because I feel like I got to escape from my responsibilities. for a while.) There's nothing could make me happier than being able to put on my sports shoes back and run for miles. Kalau dulu kat dengkil habis kelas je pergi makan. Lepas makan naik bilik, tidur. I don't really think about taking naps since the first week of classes. There are so many tutorials, readings, and discussion to do/attend. But, I don't really like to sleep during daytime cause I always considered daytime as my working hours - do as many tasks that I could and sleep early (sadly, no).

The other perspective of environment that I wanna talk about is the people. Here's the place where you'll meet a different kind of people. There are people who will try their best to be balanced in whatever they do, there are people that seem like they aren't interested in lecture but managed to do well in tutorials, people who will make you laugh, people who will annoy you, cling to you, depends on you and yes, there are also people who don't give a damn at you. Lesson: Be strong. Be confidence, never belittle yourself but don't be cocky. Try your best to always be down to the earth so people will be comfortable to stick to you. No matter how smart or cool you're, if you don't have the right attitude, people will find it upsetting to be around you. 

Anyway, I'm trying to live a life which is "less-sighing" as I do believe that if you control yourself from keeping on complaining about life, you'll have a better life. Have a concrete stand. Never get influenced from negative vibes. Just a little reminder that how I define negative vibes could be different from yours because I considered it as a subjective thing. Besides, degree life is somehow about the phase where your peers' selection plays an important role. If you chose the wrong people to stay with you for the rest of your degree life, goodbye honey. You'll ultimately stumble on the thorny path. 

Besides, the integral part in handling the university life is time management. I know some people would be like "Eleh, dah masuk uni pun nak cakap pasal benda ni ke?". Holyyy no. You'll never know how much essential time management is! So last week, I decided to spend my weekend with TED talks and one of it was "what top students do" lol so cliche. One thing that I got from that video is that whenever you arrange your schedule or your daily activities, don't forget to include things that you love to do! YES! I gotta include running and dramas then hehe but I don't know what's gotten into myself, my interest to kdramas is fading. Not sure whether I should be thankful for it or not. Moreover, spending 30 minutes on your super expensive weekend to plan out or listing all the submissions, things that you've to buy/do, is very important. for me. I've strain myself to make this as a consistent habit because I found it very helpful since I was in my foundation year. By doing that, you'll have a clear mission on what to do, what is your priorities and etc. Once you get your priorities right, you'll be able to complete all your tasks perfectly! 

Tbh, I wanted to join debate/debat thingy so bad but I know that it's so hard to be selected since I don't have the experience at all. I'm not saying this because I'm afraid to try but I already analyzed the possibilities for me to get the chance but nah it's okay. I'm actually excited to see myself in the next 4 years. I wanna be an outspoken person, really. I wanna be someone who can speak confidently, articulately in front of the people but then I realized that it's not about how outspoken you're but the important thing is when you speak, people want to listen attentively to the substances that you're talking about - that's what I aspire to be. I wanna be someone who speaks with substances bukan sembang kosong je because I discovered a lot of people who are outspoken but there's no substance in things that they said cakap je lebih tapi kerja tak buat. Well, actions speak louder than words yall. 

Last but not least, this is zaimah. a good friend of mine. she always has something to talk about especially about the manga that she read, or the movies that she watched. Yea, she's the one who walked from her college to mine just to send me the panadol and a cool fever pad when I'd fever last week *look how nice she's :'))) * 

I don't know why I included this but whatever. By that, I end my post for tonight and have a good weekend everyone! I wish you won't easily give up in pursuing your dream because there's no shortcut in life. Life is hard so you gotta hit it harder!