Shoulders and Toes

Most of the time, I would use my backpack to class because for me backpack is much more convenient compared to a sling bag unless I only have one class for that particular day. Besides, I, as a girl have lots to bring; since I am using waterproof sunscreen every day, I have to bring makeup remover, moisturizer, etc., but for stationery, I started to bring the necessary stuff only because pencil case suddenly turned into a burden to my shoulder. Sometimes, just bringing my Acer laptop together with the charger is already making my shoulder aching especially when I have to walk to college from faculty at the end of the draining day. At the age of 20, a laptop and the charger which I think the weigh is not exceeding 3kg.... makes me sick (I think I am in the disadvantage situation as I have small shoulders; broad shoulders always be my dream when I was a kid lol). Hence, this why I proposed to my parents I wanted to buy a very light laptop because it will absolutely lift the burden hehe.

So, imagine the burden of books that those little kids have to bear every day in school. It would be fine for those kids who went to school by car, but how about those kids who have to walk all the way to school? I've been witnessing these scenarios since I was a kid as I went to school by myself most of the times. When I was in primary school, I went to school by bicycle and whenever my parents were off, I forced them to send me to school because it was an obstacle to stay awake at 7 a.m. and rode your bike. Later in secondary school, I walked to school every day because none of my girlfriends were riding a bicycle, and it such a pathetic life I had because Malaysian didn't want to inculcate Japanese's culture. Again, with your small body, you have to bear so much weigh in your back :( Dahla underweight, buku pulak overweight. At the same time, my mom always warned me to walk and sit up straight but I have a problem to make it right because I get used to bend my shoulder a bit because of the heavy bag that I always bear. Luckily I managed to overcome a bit because it is a must to have a proper posture whenever you are on the track because if you didn’t, habis la ko. But sometimes, I bend my shoulders involuntarily; my mom told me that it is one of the consequences of bringing heavy backpack to school. I don’t take it seriously until I see how badly my posture in certain pictures.

After a long mukaddimah about my childhood years, my point here is… it is a good improvement that government now is focusing on how to tackle this problem. Some of us might see this as trivial but little did you know that the health of the youngsters is vital? If the government don’t do anything to fix this, could you imagine how many people would suffer spinal pain in the future? Hence, the government has to spend a lot to cure it because the progressive of the country basically depends on how productive the nation is. Kalau semua dah sakit belakang siapa nak run the country? Kucing ke?

Ha cakap pasal kucing, dulu every time my classmates left their books at home mesti the teachers said “Habis buku kat rumah siapa nak baca? Kucing awak?” Kalau tak kucing nanti the teacher akan cakap “nenek awak”. How could they disrespect cats and our grandmas? I just wanna emphasize that not all kids can handle and follow the class schedule. Not all of them are as diligent as I was to take note on which books that the teachers wanted to use on the next day, what books that you can refer to do homework. Most of them would rather bring alllll of them as it was easier than arranging books by looking at the schedule. Hence, it is important to have a big locker in each class. It’s not necessary to have an individual locker especially in primary school. Kids love to see new stuff. They love to experiment and I bet they will make an experiment with the lockers itself if they were to have an individual locker.

A big locker in a class would be sufficient to occupy the students’ book especially those thicker books. Maybe the schools can set up certain guidelines for the teacher on how to maximize the usage of the lockers in order to tackle this issue. Perhaps the locker is for the textbook as they’re much heavier compared to exercise books. If I am not mistaken, during my secondary years, it was prohibited to left the textbooks under your table. HARAM KO TAHU. But hello, we all love to do haram things in school. However, from what I read in the news is that not all school could afford to put in a locker in a class. Money is the key to education so yeah, especially schools in rural areas; this implementation would burden the school. Another opinion that I found is that, restructuring the textbooks and exercise book which means using a lighter paper in exercise books or maybe students can just use a test-pad instead of the exercise book, and put all the papers in a file. I do agree with this but I think this idea would be more suitable and convenient for secondary school students. Adjusting the weight and the size of the textbooks would be a good idea for me. Though it might take some time to provide and change everything, it will never be too late to make it right. At least, we could provide some comfort to our future generation.

Furthermore, schools that have a stable funding from PIBG, really need to consider to provide a big locker in a class. Maybe for schools that couldn’t afford it, maybe they can create a small area in each classroom to put all the books, just by using a few tables or boxes. It sounds easier but I think I always enjoyed whenever my teachers told me to left the book in class because it is so annoying to deal with a heavy backpack while you are riding a bicycle.

Maybe it will be a bit difficult for the teachers to handle this at the beginning but if teachers as the means to change the world don’t want to start it first, who else will take place? I am glad that when I moved to a boarding school, heavy bag wasn’t really a big deal as we had an individual locker, one big locker in each class, and the most heaven part was you were allowed to put as much as books you want under your desk.

Furthermore, another issue that keeps on running in my feeds is black shoes. As someone who has been wearing black shoes for many years since primary school as I was a prefect, and then I was wearing black shoes again in secondary school as I was a PRS and then when I moved to a boarding school, everyone must wear black shoes; I do believe that wearing black shoes is much better than white shoes. Why? On weekends, we don’t have to spend our time in washing the shoes, because it took such a long period to dry up the shoes especially during the rainy season. Dah la penat sental your shoes pastu kena kapur. Banyak kerja compared to wearing black shoes – you only need to polish it. Nak hygienic sikit, spray your shoes using the anti-bacterial spray. Ala hygienic thing pun takkan la sekolah nak kena ajar? On the other hand, some people contended that wearing black shoes will degrade the students’ discipline as the students won’t bother to take care of their appearances. What do you think? I don’t think so because discipline shouldn’t be indicated by the color of their shoes. There are many other important aspects that need to be considered rather than focusing on how clean their shoes are.

In conclusion, I am glad that the government are trying to address certain issues that should be addressed from years back but, better late than never. However, I realized that this current government is a bit misleading in terms of the PTPTN issue, UEC, MyBrain, etc. I don’t wanna discuss it in details because this can be pretty much tiring for my brain right now.

Before I end this post, what do you think that one is only being entitled to pay for PTPTN loan once their salaries reach RM4000? I just wonder how long PTPTN has to wait for a fresh graduate to get promoted in a better position so that they can reach the salary of RM4000/month. CAMNE NAK ROLLING DUIT? That’s only my curiosity. Do tell me about your thoughts, your opinions are welcome.

Bye. See you! 

Count your blessings

Not sure whether I should apologize for taking a long time to come with a new post. My blog is dusted with the old posts. I actually have lots of draft in my laptop but it takes lots of courage for me to post it to the public. It happens every time. 

There is abundant of new issues but I don’t think I’ve interested enough to know all of them. I want to be woke about all the issues happening across the world but hey I’m such a lazy person especially in this holiday break which makes my laziness getting worse. I even told my mom that I don’t want to find a job as I gave up in searching it.... and I promised her that I would be rajin all the time and try out many new recipes lol. 

Before I go further I just wanna tell you that this year is the longest and the most productive Raya so far after I’ve been living for 20 years hahaha (Sorry I can’t help myself from typing “hahaha”). I went to follow my mother beraya like every weekend. Every weekend ada je open house. Oh yeah I’m going to follow my mom to her reunion next week. Couldn’t imagine how drained I would be on that day... because my mom knows lots of people and lots of people know her.. she told me she was quite popular during her high school time. Maybe I should be started to believe in her. 

The examination result for the second semester was announced today. I was scared. But not having panic attack like I used to. I like it. I’ve improved a lot in handling my anxietyyyy hehe. But...... unfortunately, I couldn’t access my result because I haven’t fully paid my fees. It’s okay lah I already redha for my result. No matter what happens I only hope that I could pass every single semester. I’m not hoping for flying colors; being able to see “PASS” is more than enough.  

As usual, my friends will ask my result and hahaha this time even me myself don’t know abt it. Some of them complained, some of them glad that even tho they didn’t get what they expected to, they passed. Regardless whatever situations my friends are facing, I am glad that I’ve been surrounded by people who didn’t lose hope to Allah. I’m happy about that. 

My mom — the most positive person I’ve ever met. No matter how hard the situation I’ve been handling, she always reminds me to have faith in Him. If you’ve done your best, let it to Allah. Let Him decides what is the best for you. One thing that I want to emphasize is... what do you think is good for you, not necessarily good in the eyes of Allah, The Almighty. We never know what will happen in the future. Good results might  make you distant from Allah, that’s why He gave you less that what you wanted to. He gives what you need. Not what you want. Trying to live a life with those principles, in sha Allah, you’ll find happiness. Do strive in whatever you do. But don’t put 100% trust upon your effort. Little did you know that no matter  how hard you’re working on something, if He says no, it will never happen. Allah kalau makbulkan doa, pisau yang tumpul pun boleh tajam. 

“If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings)” — Ibrahim: 7 

I bukan nak buka kelas cara-cara bersyukur ke apa but not many of us are actually realize that there are many things in life, is actually a blessing. Besides, we never know the value of something until we lose it, right. Have you ever consider your health as a blessing? Your parents? Your good friends? The ability to buy what you what? The ability to see the world without spending hundreds to see things clearly? Hanya orang rabun je faham I :')

I don’t know the value of a pair of legs until I had surgery in 2015 and when the doctor said I can’t do sports as I used to. Imagine..... Baru kaki kot?!? Baru injured sikit... Belum kudung lagi? Started from those days, I never downgrade whenever they say they’re sick, they need help because I know how painful it is to be sick.... and how shameful it was to keep on relying on people because you can’t do anything by yourself. I always feel worthless because of my condition because I know it won’t be the same again. It hurts my pride whenever I can’t help my parents doing the house chores because the doctor said I should avoid myself from doing heavy chores because it will make it worse. I honestly have a hard time in loving myself since the surgery I had back in 2015. 

But... just because kau rasa worthless takkan kau taknak teruskan life? Even time tu dalam otak ni asyik rasa nak bunuh diri sebab rasa anak yang paling tak guna sebab.... sebelah kaki dah barai hahaha. Tapi tulah Allah dah cakap hidup ni tak boleh give up. Alhamdulillah Islam. Ni ha, jadi Islam dari kecik pun ramai tak sedar benda tu nikmat Allah. Ramai orang yang dah besar baru peluk Islam cakap betapa indahnya Islam. Betapa hebatnya dapat rasa kasih sayang Allah. 

“And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them.” — Ibrahim: 34. 

Banyak lagi rahmat yang Allah dah bagi. Kita je tak nampak as we blinded by the disadvantages that we had. Biasalah, kita manusia biasa. Memang asyik lupa je dengan Tuhan. That’s why we need a good environment to live in. Biol mana pun member kalau dia care pasal solat, you better keep them. 

Lagi satu, besar mana pun kasih sayang seorang ibu, Allah’s love toward His Servants wins. See? Kita terlepas Subuh, ada ke bangun tidur tangan kaki semua tak ada? He gives us chances to repent. He knows that humans make mistake. That’s why He loves those who repent. For me, having lots of good people in your life is one of the blessings that I couldn’t ask more from Him. 

So chill jela hidup ni. Kita kan hidup dua kali. But we need to ensure that we prepared the best here so we can have a good life in Akhirah :) Belajar pun ibadah tau hehe (macam takde correlation tapi takpelah) 

If you've any suggestions (on what I should write in the upcoming post) or any questions do hmu at https://aqilahnasrin.sarahah.com as I have plenty of time to be wasted. 

Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk. Have a nice day, people! 

Precious March

Hello everyone. I wish you have a good day. Guess what I'm still at HOMEEEEEE because my faculty is having the E-learning week. All lectures and tutorial will be held online hehe. It's quite complicated but yeah it feels good to be at home.

Fyi, I'm going to conclude everything that I'd gone through in March in this post. 

UM Info Day 

This is an event where we basically promote UM Law School to Asasi KPTM students. The first question asked by them to me was “Is it hard to be in UM?” I gave them option whether they wanted me to sugar-coat or to be frank (tho I already know they wanted the real answer). “Yes.” There’s nothing easy in university life. Nope. Life is hard but you gotta hit it harder.

I met Ms. Akhmal! My favorite lecturer when I was in Dengkil. I’m glad she still remembers me and my gang – qistina and zaza. Oh, yea! I met my juniors from SAMURA as well. They recognized me easily but for me as usual for some circumstances, having a problem in remembering details about others.

Mock Trial

Frankly speaking, I never imagine myself to be part of the Malaya Mock Trial team because appearing in front of the crowd of people isn’t my forte. Even though my character is kinda insignificant (LOL) but I learned a lot from it. If you don’t know what Mock Trial is, it is like a theatre but it is not fully scripted, the students involved are law students, the content is more to current issues and a bit explicit (this is my personal view haha). The first thing that I’ve learned since the day I joined this team is teamwork. No matter how small your character is, you still have the responsibility to play your role seriously. Even though you think that you won’t give the big impact in a certain situation, but other people could see the difference when you start to give a commitment. Next, mock trial makes me realize how vital the backstage people in everything. Eg: People wouldn’t see the smooth running of the Mock Trial if we don’t have the makeup, technical and logistics team and people that actually involved with us, indirectly. Hence, it is important to respect and appreciate everyone around you. You will never know how significant they are until you lost them. Yes, I didn’t regret being part of Malaya Mock Trial. 

My TREEvolution

My parents should be proud of me because I planted for our earth kot! Frankly speaking, I joined this for the sake of the national merits. I want to stay in college so bad even though the wifi connection sucks, the fees are expensive and I rarely get the chance to ride with a bus because of it packs within a blink of eyes....  But still, staying in college is fine enough for me. I could walk to class la. Hm talking about walking to class, I don’t know why every Wednesday I will stay up late until 3AM even though I know that I have 8AM class on Thursday morning. Oh ya, I slept at 3 because I need to catch up with my study and tutorials because my mock trial training usually ends around 11/12AM. And yes, I woke up at 7:30 every Thursday for week 5 until week 7. At those moments, I really appreciate my ironless bawal and shawl, jeans and t-shirts. I will choose to wear sports shoes bc I literally running from college to faculty within 10 mins. I’m proud of myself because I managed to be in class on time. 

I met someone

I met my friend from PIC. He had a writing workshop in API. I persuaded him to apply to UM for his degree. Well, I've been persuading lots of people to join me here, to explore the world and to feel the pain as well. 

Student Exchange Program (SEP)

This is the best bit of the month. This program started from 4 until 17 March (2 weeks). It was enjoyable. But what I regret the most is I couldn’t spend my time with my buddy, from Indonesia, Elsa. SEP was overlapping with Mock Trial and that was the reason why I couldn’t spend my time with her. I feel bad for her but I am glad that she’s very understanding. If there is upcoming outbound, I will surely pick UNTAR as my choice! Besides being able to expand my circles, I’ve gained knowledge as well. As Technical and Publicity Team, we had to handle Client Consultation session. It was great though! I’m planning to join the Client Consultation competition because I feel like it is a very good exposure for a law student. You’ll get the experience on how to deal with your clients that come to your firm. Moreover, there were a lot of talks held throughout the two weeks but unluckily I couldn’t join all of them because I can’t skip my lectures as I like huhu. Oh yes, I joined dikir barat as well for our cultural night haha nice experience and I finally know how to speak Kelantan haha. 

Delegates picked up at KLIA 

Client consultation 

Your future Judges?

Despite all the enjoyable events that I had, I’ve been dealing with the most awful emotions ever. I felt lost. I felt worthless. I felt like I shouldn’t exist because I’m such a troublesome. Though some people always remind me that no matter how horrible I feel about myself, they will always look up for me… I just lost the confidence that I have about myself. I wonder a lot.

Why Allah keep on testing me? It was so heavy. The pain felt like a sharp-toothed creature eating me from the inside. I felt like I was drowning in the deepest sea where no one comes to save me. It made me suffocated but a few days later when I was reading Quran, there was a verse than mentioned that “Allah won’t burden you with something that you cannot bear.” 

My mom always tells me to believe in Him. Whatever happens, there’s always a reason behind it. There’s always something that you can learn from it. I tried to take it easy. I believe that it will pass. Have faith and chin up.  Pain is temporary because there’s nothing permanent in this world. The only permanent thing in the universe is the Hereafter. Again, I survived. I didn’t kill myself (lol).

Gems 

Alhamdulillah. There's no word could describe how thankful I am to have them as my friends. 

Little Rant 

When you see someone is sad, stress or any roller coaster emotions, can you stop directly say “go perform your solah and keep on sabr, you’ll be better”, “OMG! You won’t be this hopeless if you don’t skip reading Quran and solah properly.” Like dude, watch your mouth. If you don’t want to put an effort to understand one’s hardship, you better shut up. I’m not saying that what Allah said is wrong, but there are certain situations where that kind of concept is not applicable as the first step. Probably works when he or she is stable. Okay, I've finished my rant.

Have a good April everyone! Next update will be on May, in sha Allah :) 

You shouldn't

The best advice I've gotten was said that

I shouldn’t be in a relationship with 

anyone whom I wouldn’t marry 

for it’s a waste of time and 

takes you off the market.

so don’t worry about the relationship.

Build friendships and one day 

maybe you’ll suddenly meet your soul mate,

or you’ll realize you want to spend 

the rest of your life with your friend.

Your young life shouldn’t be spent trying 

to fall in love or

even having to worry about a partner.

Your life right now should be filled

with spending time on finding yourself

and building relationships.

p/s: Inspired by the sudden shock that I got from my circle. I realized that just because everyone is in a relationship doesn't mean I should join the club, too. 

Decision

Hello. I’m sitting outside, on the bench, trying to inhale the oxygen in my small garden and exhaling all the negativity that I’d in life. 

I suddenly remember about those days when I had an argument with my parents because I didn’t want to pursue science since I know I cannot handle equations. I’m not really good at literature either but for me, literature is better than equations. Generally, words are more soothing compared to numbers. It is worst when numbers are mix with alphabets. It sucks.

Up until today, I didn’t regret the argument that I had with them. People used to say that you know yourself better but at the same time, there is also saying that stated that your parents know what the best is for you. No harm. Both parties correct. However, there is one point in life where you don’t really have to rely on your parents’ decision. It is not to disrespect them but you know what you want in life but you have to justify and give them a concrete reason, don’t just simply say you don’t want to follow their decision because you won’t win if you do that.

True, our parents know us better because they are the person who used and always support us in things that we always thought we are not capable of. Why they keep on supporting us even though we see zero possibility for us to succeed? because they see the hidden gems in us but we are obstructed with skepticism on our potential. This is what my parents did when I was in school. But now, I am an adult, I should be able to think rationally, I know what I want in life, I know what I am really capable of.

My parents said “why don’t you just study science because you already have the basic? You won’t have a problem as you studied maths and science since kindergarten?” The first thought that came across in my mind was “They don’t understand.” That was the truth. Frankly, not all parents have the same education journey like us – we got lots of exposure on courses that provided by universities started from our high school period, personality tests or even chances to meet the counselor to get help on what would be the best field for us based on our attitude and interest.

I know my parents realized how well I did in history and languages subjects and sucks at science and maths. Yes, I do love science subjects. I enjoyed learning it but just because you love it, doesn’t mean it is meant for you.  I never have interest in history subject but when I found out that I am able to do well in it, I built passion. That’s why, when I got the UPU offer which was Foundation in Law, I didn’t hesitate at all. I convinced my parents that KPT would give us allowances so they don’t have to spend more money for me because UiTM got the cheapest fees. I believed that was a solid reason HAHAHA and surprisingly, they approved. 

Again, your parents may know what is the best for you or even they don’t really know what is the best for you, our parents always try their best to give everything the best for us. However, remember that you are the one who will endure the pain in every decision that you make or they made it for you. Know your stand. It is true that we have to respect our parents. They’re the key to our blessings. Talk to them and convinced them with your heart. 

I think it also depends on how flexible how parents are actually. My parents are strict when it comes to benevolence and lifestyle but can be flexible when it related to studies. Both of them are working and since I am the only daughter, I had to handle myself alone. No joke, but my mom told me she doesn’t have any idea how I could get to the stage every year because she doesn’t really catch up my progress in school.

Just because they don’t approve your decision in the first place, doesn’t mean its something that is cannot be fixed. Do your best as this is your life. My mom once told me that she didn’t agree when her friend wanted to have a marriage arrangement between his son and me because she believes that I know what I want and I am the one who will go through the marriage journey and not them. (I realllllly respect my mom’s decision on that part HAHAHAHA). Wow, I feel like an adult when typing this paragraph. 

Lastly, life is all about options. When you have options to choose, choose which one is the best for you. But, when you’re chosen, do your best. Remember that you always have right to choose.