Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Silent Anger

Hello & Assalamualaikum.

It is a nice weather to hide under my fluffy quilt but I choose to become a productive person today even though I just fall asleep while searching for my assignment materials. This is why I don't really like holidays, it makes me become unproductive girl ever. Nah, that's okay. Starting from tomorrow, I believe that my schedule will give me nuts.... and make me think that 24//7 is not enough (I wish I were good at managing time) 

Last Saturday, I went to my cousin's wedding in Klang Valley. I went there on my own with the help of buses and trains. Being in KTM is more adventure than ERL. KTM was jam-packed full of people. At last, I choose to sit on the floor without thinking what people would say about me. I care about my legs more than people. I was starved and drained along my way since I only ate noodles soup during lunch (that was the biggest mistake ever) I didn't buy any food at central because I was afraid that I would miss the train. Lesson learned. Bring snacks with you. Everywhere. Especially when you are dealing with public transports.

I told my mom that I wanted to go back to college on Sunday evening after we had "fun" in IKEA. I was planning to go back on Monday actually but I need to practice my speech so yah. My cousins told me that they would send me back to college and pick me up at Mak Lamah's house. They had told me around 4:30 which was at Asr time. I was rushing to perform my prayer because I'm worried that they might come first before I'm done with my prayer. After waiting for hours, my mom started to complain why they took so long to come. When my mom called them, they said "the plan was changed. We are not going back to Melaka today but tomorrow" I was mad because I hate last minute plan without my knowledge. 

I don't like to wait and I don't feel comfortable if someone is waiting for me. I am a person who counts every minute. I don't mind if someone wanted to change their plan at the very last minute  or even coming up late but what I do really care is your reasoning. Tell me why you're going to be late and stop making lame excuses.

I am a hot-tempered person yet I keep it down inside. When I reach my highest degree of anger,, of course, I will burst but not in such way where I will throw everything like what we used to watch in drama... I cry instead. HAHAHA. Ever since I was in primary school when I had to fight with boys who keep on teasing me, at the end I would cry and at the same time I was holding chair to throw it to him but I'm matured enough now. Holding the anger and pain silently is quite frightening sometimes. I even get scared of myself. I can't stop crying easily when the anger degree is high. Even though I tried so many times to make it stop, my tears will pour down spontaneously. Sigh. Luckily, I won't take long to calm down myself, forgive and forget. 

I have a gnawing feeling about my future. How is my first date will be? I'm afraid that I can't hold my anger if my boyfriend coming late during our first date. I think I need to learn more about how to control my emotions especially during PMS and roller-coaster week because the strongest people will be those who are good in handling their anger. I wanted to a strong girl because I don't like people see me as a weak person. Who does right? 

p/s: I want to be good in both speaking and writing. thus, I hope I can improve a lot this semester. best of luck! 

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